Friday, February 17, 2012

I thought this comment by Polish Knight had enough points in it to use as a separate post

The Future is Now! (At least the dystopian one!)
This is a response to NYMOM's "Another Self-Serving Comment from a Surrogate Mother" found here:

Quick summation: NYMOM doesn't like the idea of surrogacy from what I can tell, my theory, is that she thinks that motherhood is so sacred and glorious that society should erect statues to them for the "sacrifice" they make going through childbirth. Surrogacy provides a free market answer to the real cost of this service: About 12 grand or so. This hurts her feelings and feelings of superiority. In addition, she hates the procedure because it means that these women are probably gestating children for households run by, eeek, men and these children will grow up in a horrible home where they'll be well supported and likely to grow up to become successful, law abiding citizens (unlike future gang bangers and slackers from unwed mother homes.)

Part of her theory of feminine breeding superiority is that women can easily get high quality sperm: "As anyone, who has studied this issue for any length of time, knows most male sperm donors are college students, some of the most privileged persons in western civilization (and that means in the world really). Who after graduation will go on to become the highest earners in our society: the cream of the crop, so to speak. Donating sperm is used by them as a means to make a little extra income while going to school; at most a 45 minute exercise with little investment for the student and no marked impact on his future emotional or mental state."

"While many aspects of your health will be confirmed with blood tests, most centers don't ask for detailed verification of your education credentials, or various aptitudes. The upshot of this is that you could portray yourself as an avid lacrosse player, pianist, and scrabble champion who plans to do post graduate studies in finance--whether or not it is true. Use your judgment when embellishing."
[Man going to the sperm bank to donate sperm and Amanda, the receptionist]
"Amanda acted as though this was very funny and said, "A lot of donors are married and don't tell their wives."
She asked me where I had gone to college. I said "Harvard." She was delighted. She continued, "And have you done some graduate work?" I said no. She looked disappointed. "But surely you are planning to do some graduate work?""

And these cautionary tales:

Let's use a little logic. She argues that surrogate mothers are the bottom feeders of society ready to sell their wombs to the highest bidder in an industry run by sleazy agents out to make a fast buck while, simultaneously, trusting that sperm clinics that make money by selling sperm based upon the most outrageous claims from ANONYMOUS donors about their education, IQ, and other desirable traits are telling the truth even though they are unashamedly motivated by money, masturbation and to impregnate anonymous women.

Hmmm, this sounds similar to the disco paradigm where young, naive women go to the disco believing that they'll meet and marry a handsome doctor because nearly all the guys say they are so surely one of them have to be telling the truth!

In the meantime, let's discuss this surrogate: She an office worker with weight issues who didn't get asked out by men and who had a nervous breakdown and had to go on medication, and only in her 40's realized that she should maybe take an initiative in her life and do something about it. This doesn't sound that much different than many aging, single biological clock ticker women out there that NYMOM would praise as "liberated" for ordering from a sperm bank and then asking the taxpayers to foot the bill. Yes? The states are full of depressed, aging career women on prozac like this. Sadly, I know this from (past) personal dating experience.

This woman had used her surrogacy as a way to cope with her dating problems. She only reconsidered her choice when the last couple wasn't interested in socializing with her. She used surrogacy as a kind of replacement for developing a social life. While that is dysfunctional, it's still quite better than divorced or unwed mothers who ask the state or divorce courts to pick up the tab for their "liberation." How much more dysfunctional is it for someone to have 8 children for well-to-do couples just to get some attention and self-validation compared to someone having a child on their own as an unwed mother to use children as pets? It makes the cat ladies seem sane by comparison!

Going back to the sperm donors, let's have some fun with the hopes of aging, anti-social unwed mothers-to-be: Consider that many of the donors might even get off, pardon the pun, on the possibility of fraud. It's probably much easier than faking a drug test: Pay a good looking friend with a nice pedigree (or good at filling forms claiming as such, wink!) to fill out the forms and give him pre-made samples to drop off. (Having gotten a sperm test myself, the samples are good for a few hours provided you store them close to your body.) Unless they have "happy ending" nurses to collect samples, there's nothing stopping such a guy from making the switch. Keep in mind that such men are motivated not by fast beer money but rather by the excitement of knocking strange women up.

NYMOM has letters from women claiming that they're surrogate mothers and aren't necessarily messed up. Just as there are successful, attractive, well-educated men who have given sperm whether they needed the money or not, no doubt there are successful, and attractive women who found the idea of giving a couple a child while motherhood for her wasn't attractive for the moment acceptable. Why not? And sometimes there really are successful doctors who hang out at discos!
Posted by PolishKnight at 5:38 PM

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PolishKnight said...

I'm flattered you used my post, NYMOM. Feel free in the future to republish others (I'm not making money on this!) Please, though, publish my URL so that others can find me. If someone chose to come to your site and not comment on mine, I wouldn't be hurt.

Here's my latest:

NYMOM said...

Unfortunately my response to your post didn't show up on either my blog's comments or yours, so I'll make it again.

Regarding the point you made about the surrogate mother in the article using these families as a captive audience for her social network circle, I agree with that observation 100%.

I missed that point myself.

But it goes back to my original comment that the women who become surrogate mothers are emotionally unstable or damaged in some significant way and are not proper candidates to be bearing the next generation.

This is a significant difference is this group vs the group of men who donate the sperm for these children. The men who donate, whether or not they are future doctors or even college graduates, are simply not as damaged as surrogate mothers are...the men are simply in it for the money. As there is nothing else motivating them except that. They are the equivalent of women who donate eggs and btw, many of those women are college students.

So in spite of your attempt to attribute these weird motivations to these male sperm donors, such as wanting to fool women into thinking the father of their child is a just doesn't hold water.

NYMOM said...

Oh btw, Polish Knight, there is something wrong with that link you posted.

It appears to not be working...


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