tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post421876397054527310..comments2023-07-28T07:44:40.802-04:00Comments on Women as Mothers: Cautionary Tale about a Neglectful MotherNYMOMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-17406109842851485912009-02-11T13:54:00.000-05:002009-02-11T13:54:00.000-05:00Postscript: you're not entitled to be labeled a '...Postscript: you're not entitled to be labeled a 'mother' or a 'father' just because you've married someone who had children before they met you.<BR/><BR/>Sorry.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-65178475081463805692009-02-11T13:53:00.000-05:002009-02-11T13:53:00.000-05:00Well if you're done any reading around here, you c...Well if you're done any reading around here, you can see I'm no fan of neglectful mothers.<BR/><BR/>BUT we do need to find another term to designate people who marry someone who has children...they appear to think it's okay to morph into a step-'mother' w/o paying any dues. <BR/><BR/>I guess it's basically the same issue I have with men...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-61096033114877197032009-01-06T21:42:00.000-05:002009-01-06T21:42:00.000-05:00I've been thinking about this terrific website sin...I've been thinking about this terrific website since yesterday and want to add something to my previous comment...for the sake of children I don't really care which parent or which gender the parent is who wounds their child ....it's wrong. There are neglectful mothers and neglectful fathers out there and somehow we are more horrified that mothers are neglectful. Why? Dads are just as important as a mother to the well being of their children and children need and deserve the love and nurturing of both to be whole, happy, expressive and free to love others in a healthy way...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-61716152532722730342009-01-05T20:37:00.000-05:002009-01-05T20:37:00.000-05:00As a stepmother who married a man who took full ti...As a stepmother who married a man who took full time care of his children and ran a business while his ex-wife lived a wanton life I can only screan silently for yet another child - the author - having been born to a woman whose sexuality was more important than the child that sexuality produced and it angers the hell out of me...after all these years of my husband being mom and dad and sacrificing anything and everything for their benefit and to make up for the guilt of bringing this woman into his childrens's lives do you know that woman is now back in their lives trying to appear as the victim and a poor soul who nobody understood?! She is the Madonna all of a sudden...it's as if I am watching a horror film but we are in it...these kids get a crumb from her and treat it as if they just won the lottery...the kids fall for it at 22 years of age...I am a woman who gets very angry at neglectful women who come up with all sorts of excuses...the children are so wounded and hurt and try as they might they never get over it...they don't.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-17649592942470313322008-05-29T16:00:00.000-04:002008-05-29T16:00:00.000-04:00"that's a functional human being, eating sleeping ..."that's a functional human being, eating sleeping and staying warm"...<BR/><BR/>Well forgive me but my concept of a functional human being is a little more then a body that's eating, sleeping and staying warm. This woman could be emotionally damaged in ways that even SHE is not aware of as yet which will come become obvious later and pass the damage along to her own child.<BR/><BR/>Anyway I still say women have the 'choice' today whether or not to have children. There is a certain amount of time that must be invested in a child in order to raise it to healthy adulthood and those women who don't wish to invest that time or can't for some reason (demanding career, lots of travel, away from home for long periods, etc.,) should forego having children.<BR/><BR/>They can save themselves, their children and the rest of society a lot of trouble by using birth control. If they want a once-in-a while companion, they can adopt a dog or other companion animal.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-50745524722986376962008-05-29T13:06:00.000-04:002008-05-29T13:06:00.000-04:00ok, I find the two year thing a bit bizarre too. N...ok, I find the two year thing a bit bizarre too. Not something I'd agree to, but then again, I find 'custody' arrangements distressing enough no matter how they are done.<BR/>any which way, someone loses out. no idea why those parents chose it - maybe they thought uninterrupted years of care was the best way of keeping up a family life. And do you know how much contact went on between the child and non custodial parent? daily? weekly? letters? phone calls? how do you know? does rebecca remember one thing ,and her mother another?<BR/><BR/>you keep talking about choices in this post, but i think you're sitting there with the luxury of hindsight. You have your children for a lifetime, and how many of us have them believing we are going to end up doing it on our own? that our marriages might fail? <BR/> (I didnt.) How many of us find ourselves where we have to make choices we never ever wanted to make, trying to do what's best for the child, knowing full well that whatever we decide, the child may well turn around and tell us we got it wrong.<BR/><BR/>and hosed from birth? jesus wept. the woman has written a book, made money from her argument with her mother, and now is raising a kid with a loving husband. that's not hosed, that's a functional human being, eating sleeping and staying warm.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-80024814763597385252008-05-28T17:46:00.000-04:002008-05-28T17:46:00.000-04:00Well Richard for once I agree with you...Also anon...Well Richard for once I agree with you...<BR/><BR/>Also anonymous I think you're right as well. There are two sides to this story and we don't know Alice Walker's side. <BR/><BR/>BUT I've seen many other mothers who have no problem leaving their children for hours on end every single day and, no, it's not always from economic necessity. Some women use this 'economic necessity' as an excuse to literally abandon their kids almost from birth...<BR/><BR/>AND yes, I've had my heart broken many times by my children...and now by my grandchildren...<BR/><BR/>But the bottom line is women have choices today. So if they don't wish to make the commitment of time needed to properly raise children, then they don't have to bear them in the first place. It's not like decades ago where women had to marry to secure a place in society since men controlled most of the economic resources. Once you married, you had to perform your wifely duties and that included having sex, which eventually leads to bearing children. Those days have been over for about two generations now, so there is just no excuse for this sort of behavior as outlined by Alice Walker's daughter.<BR/><BR/>Sorry, in my opinion, even the joint custody arrangment was abusive to an eight year old and should not have been allowed. It wasn't like one parent lived in New York and the other in New Jersey, where a joint custody flip like that would mean little in the way of real change for an 8 year old. <BR/><BR/>I'm just curious if the parents would have been okay with doing the opposite scenario and leaving the child in the same household and having the parents flip in and out of it on a two year schedule????<BR/><BR/>Like Richard said, it sounds like this kid was 'hosed' from birth.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-72326722484763164652008-05-27T11:44:00.000-04:002008-05-27T11:44:00.000-04:00The article says the kid was eight when they split...The article says the kid was eight when they split and started that 2-year thing.<BR/><BR/>If by then neither parent was close enough with her to object to 2-year separations, then there was something wrong with both of them. <BR/><BR/>They were each just looking for a place to put her while they followed their real passions.<BR/><BR/>The kid was hosed from birth.<BR/><BR/>RichardAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-90173760408961349012008-05-27T10:04:00.000-04:002008-05-27T10:04:00.000-04:00I am wary of taking any one side of a quarrel betw...I am wary of taking any one side of a quarrel between mother and daughter... especially not one where going public is being used as a weapon.<BR/>The daughter will have the moral high ground, the mother has to apologise for whatever the daughter says she did wrong, no matter what her mothers motives, or intentions. That is what we do to mothers. We stand by and judge.<BR/> <BR/>people can dedicate all the time in the world to their relationships and still have them go wrong. It takes two, or in some cases, its a tangled web of loyalties, hopes and hurt feelings.<BR/>sounds like they are both struggling, both of them are hurt and angry, neither wants to give in and say what the other wants to hear... and publication of such an intimate battle seems to me like an atomic bomb in any relationship.<BR/>When i read this review, I think like mother like daughter. they are both going to fight and continue to fight.<BR/> <BR/>I feel for both of them. the pain of that lack of resolution is going to stay with them forever. i dont imagine any mother pushes away their feelings about being a mother as 'inconsequential'without having felt some serious, serious pain - sounds to me like it was said in retaliation.<BR/><BR/>do women "ignore their children for the sake of a job?" <BR/>Sometimes, I suppose. And sometimes they work to earn the food their kids eat or to pay for a better education.<BR/> <BR/>Never had your heart broken by a teenager you love? you're a luckier woman than I am.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-31262069709638562992008-05-24T07:48:00.000-04:002008-05-24T07:48:00.000-04:00Yes, probably their relationship had been damaged ...Yes, probably their relationship had been damaged over the years while they were doing that weird joint custody arrangement, which had the child living with each parent for TWO YEARS and then switching. I never heard of anything so ridiculous. I would never have allowed one of my children to go live with someone else for two years??? WTF????<BR/><BR/>But long before the end, the relationship probably wasn't very much. She mentions how her mother told her something like that before the final breech. So I suspect they never had much of a relationship to begin with due to these long separations.<BR/><BR/>She doesn't say how old she was at the time this custody arrangement began either, but if she was too young (maybe even an infant), she might not even have remembered her mother by the time the first two years was up or forgot her shortly after she began living with the other parent on the east coast. One woman I know who was forced into a similar arrangement, told me that later her daughter told her she thought her mother had died when it first began. You don't just remove a child from its mother for two years w/o some psychological damage. Needless to say that kid is a complete mess today. <BR/><BR/>What was Alice Walker thinking. I'd say she wasn't. I guess the thing that really puzzles me is that women have the choice these day to NOT have children if they don't want to make time for them in their lives...Yet you hear these stories over and over again. It's really a form of child abuse I think, child negligence anyway.<BR/><BR/>Do the world a favor already and don't have any kids if you don't want to dedicate adequate time to them. Save everyone else a whole lot of trouble. It's like these idiots who adopt kittens or puppies and then when they're a year old abandon them. A burden to everyone else to figure out how to find a place for them for the next decade or two of their lives. Idiots.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-11796175703376683622008-05-17T13:30:00.000-04:002008-05-17T13:30:00.000-04:00A sad, sad, sad situation...I really feel for Rebe...A sad, sad, sad situation...<BR/>I really feel for Rebecca.Valhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03152215204773184788noreply@blogger.com