tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post114108599659487539..comments2023-07-28T07:44:40.802-04:00Comments on Women as Mothers: NYMOMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-57180424486367271462007-10-07T19:36:00.000-04:002007-10-07T19:36:00.000-04:00See my post of October 7, 2007 in response to your...See my post of October 7, 2007 in response to your comments.<BR/><BR/>Thanks.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-18188067942189587752007-09-22T20:00:00.000-04:002007-09-22T20:00:00.000-04:00My 25 year old daughter (just before she started h...My 25 year old daughter (just before she started her last year of college) got knocked up last summer after a 2 week thing with a not-so-ideal guy that she realized (shortly into the fling) that she has nothing in common with. He was 29, had an 8 year old daughter living in another state from a prior marriage whom he doesn't see but has child support payments that are automatically withdrawn from his paycheck. (He REALLY resents the payments but has no choice. He makes about $32K per year and really needs to stretch to pay his bills...and is not shy about talking about it.) <BR/><BR/>My daughter was on the Pill and got a bladder infection during the month she was with this guy and so the pill failed her and she got pregnant. A healthy baby boy was born in April and she graduated from college in May and has a full time job. She and her baby lives here in our house in an attached apartment with my husband and I. We are supporting her a little financially and with the help of a part-time nanny. <BR/><BR/>The father who I shall hereafter refer to as SD (Sperm Donor) initially told her he wanted her to do whatever she wanted...ie, have an abortion, adoption...maybe keep the baby..etc. Maybe they'd move in together...but no marriage. <BR/><BR/>My daughter got wise to him but because of the pregnancy tried to make it work for about 8 weeks after she found out she was pregnant. She had told him when she first met that she someday wanted children and he mocked her for that in front of another couple...he made it clear that he did not want them at all----he had enough with this daughter he did not see. <BR/><BR/>So she broke up with him and had the baby and moved back with us. She really wants nothing to do with him as she has determined he's a creep. Before the baby (boy) was born, we found out that he had a vasectomy to make sure that he'd never have this happen again. He still wants sex---just no consequences. <BR/><BR/>This loser is now trying to take the infant BOY (his "show" puppy) on a 50/50 basis. He doesn't want to pay child support but suddenly he wants to be a "father". He has already promised to teach the baby the opposite of our beliefs, so he fully intends to mess with his mind. His concerns are now about him having a SON to show off to his buddies. <BR/><BR/>We really don't want anything from him (including child support). We just want him to go away as he has very opposite world views and will develop a lot of conflict in the child as he gets older.<BR/><BR/>How can we get him to go away? He's just an awful guy but nothing is sufficient so far to prove this to the courts (he's a heavy drinker, a biker, heavily into porn and kinky sex with multiple partners, he smokes, and we don't trust him not to hurt the baby, either by accident or deliberately) <BR/><BR/>Any ideas? Any case law that can help frame our argument? <BR/><BR/>This is essentially stranger casual sex that resulted in a child and now the stranger wants to impose himself on our lives and the baby's innocence. <BR/><BR/>Help!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1142172134083007052006-03-12T09:02:00.000-05:002006-03-12T09:02:00.000-05:00As I am an advocate for mothers and their children...As I am an advocate for mothers and their children...not concerned about men who have plenty of advocates for them on this issue...<BR/><BR/>They don't need another one...<BR/><BR/>Let's just end this already.<BR/><BR/>This is a blog, as you can clearly see if you read the introduction to it, that is for like-minded people to discuss some strategies to amend the current situation.<BR/><BR/>As it stands now millions of mothers have lost their children due to gender neutralized feminists attempting to negate the mother/child bond and force women out of the home and into the workplace, military, etc., Men have gone along with this in an attempt to avoid crippling child support.<BR/><BR/>If you have some useful ideas on how this issue, as it impacts mothers and their children ONLY, can be addressed, I'm open to hearing them. <BR/><BR/>Otherwise you should probably look for someplace else to post. This is a site for WOMEN IN THEIR ROLE AS MOTHERS...not another place for supporters of men...there are plenty of places like that all over the internet.<BR/><BR/>Go find one of those to preach on...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1142111668543634842006-03-11T16:14:00.000-05:002006-03-11T16:14:00.000-05:00Well as I said before I'm happy it worked out for ...Well as I said before I'm happy it worked out for you, your son and his father...It doesn't mean I'm going to tell mothers that's it is okay to give a mentally ill man Joint Custody of any kid...because it worked out so well in your case...<BR/><BR/>Nor should you be telling other women that...<BR/><BR/>Additionally I take exception to the final remark and implication that you tried to sneak under the wire there "It is almost the reverse to what happened to women in the past"...acting like mothers in the past never raised our kids or something akin to that, this is bullcrap actually...<BR/><BR/>A 'deconstruction' of our history by gender neutralized feminists and latched onto by men to try and 'normalize' so many mothers losing custody of their kids today...<BR/><BR/>Mothers raised their children in every society; as divorce was rare in the past. Most people NEVER even saw the inside of a courtroom for any reason, never mind to decide custody of their children...unless we are talking about children with an estate or some resources to manage...<BR/><BR/>Thus, it is ONLY today in the WEST that we see this going on, with millions of mothers losing custody of their children. Millions of them...<BR/><BR/>This is an abomination...not something that happened all the time in our past; so it's just fine with mothers and children today. <BR/><BR/>Okay...<BR/><BR/>The gender neutralized feminists who have instigated this are monsters...as our the men who have gone along with it for financial advantage to themselves.<BR/><BR/>Just to let you know...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1142014073794151232006-03-10T13:07:00.000-05:002006-03-10T13:07:00.000-05:00Well it worked out for me too...y daughter is 21 a...Well it worked out for me too...<BR/><BR/>y daughter is 21 and her father, when he filed for divorce, stipulate sole custody to me and gave himself liberal visitation (which meant basically whatever I would approve)....<BR/><BR/>I never even went to court for our divorce, my ex handled all the paperwork for BOTH of us and after he got the papers in the mail confirming that we were divorced and I had custody, he gave me a copy so I would have it, if needed.<BR/><BR/>My daughter was about 10 months old when this happened...<BR/><BR/>We never had a custody fight nor did I know anyone then who had one until today that is...Then all of the other women I knew who were divorced handled it the same way, ex stipulated custody to them.<BR/><BR/>Or custody was never addressed. Mother had defacto custody and parents handled everything themselves.<BR/><BR/>YET that was 20 years ago. <BR/><BR/>Because that was my experience does that mean I could use it as the basis for other mother's experience today????<BR/><BR/>No. Of course not.<BR/><BR/>I also go to post on a non-custodial mothers' board and guess what a lot of those mothers lose custody of their kid simply because their ex filed for divorce FIRST and it's a fight for them just to SEE their kids as even that is not guaranteed today...<BR/><BR/>We have a mother over there who last year paid over $30,000 to her attorney just to get her ex husband to honor the court order for her visitation as the police dept. refused to enforce it...Her 6 year old daughter didn't see her for 2 years until last summer finally...and what if she didn't have $30,000...then what...<BR/><BR/>So yes, that strategy worked for our generation (I'm assuming we are close in age since our kids are) YET today things are different and we must acccept that fact...Not continue acting like the ONLY responsibility mothers have is make sure their kids' fathers have a good relationship with them...<BR/> <BR/>I did the same thing as you by the way, even buying Christmas presents for my daughter and pretending they were from her father since he didn't always remember to do this...it didn't ultimate help as he retired a few years ago and left the city and she has seen him ONCE since then...<BR/><BR/>So I don't agree that women can always intervene successfully in these situations...<BR/><BR/>AND it's far more hurtful for a kid to find out at 16 years old that their mother has been planting a 'cover story' about their father all these years and that person, who they thought loved them doesn't really exist.<BR/><BR/>See, so there is a danger in that sort of propaganda as well. It could backfire and do worse damage to a child whose father really was NOT that interested and you keep pushinng the issue...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1142014011280002672006-03-10T13:06:00.000-05:002006-03-10T13:06:00.000-05:00Well it worked out for me too...y daughter is 21 a...Well it worked out for me too...<BR/><BR/>y daughter is 21 and her father, when he filed for divorce, stipulate sole custody to me and gave himself liberal visitation (which meant basically whatever I would approve)....<BR/><BR/>I never even went to court for our divorce, my ex handled all the paperwork for BOTH of us and after he got the papers in the mail confirming that we were divorced and I had custody, he gave me a copy so I would have it, if needed.<BR/><BR/>My daughter was about 10 months old when this happened...<BR/><BR/>We never had a custody fight nor did I know anyone then who had one until today that is...Then all of the other women I knew who were divorced handled it the same way, ex stipulated custody to them.<BR/><BR/>Or custody was never addressed. Mother had defacto custody and parents handled everything themselves.<BR/><BR/>YET that was 20 years ago. <BR/><BR/>Because that was my experience does that mean I could use it as the basis for other mother's experience today????<BR/><BR/>No. Of course not.<BR/><BR/>I also go to post on a non-custodial mothers' board and guess what a lot of those mothers lose custody of their kid simply because their ex filed for divorce FIRST and it's a fight for them just to SEE their kids as even that is not guaranteed today...<BR/><BR/>We have a mother over there who last year paid over $30,000 to her attorney just to get her ex husband to honor the court order for her visitation as the police dept. refused to enforce it...Her 6 year old daughter didn't see her for 2 years until last summer finally...and what if she didn't have $30,000...then what...<BR/><BR/>So yes, that strategy worked for our generation (I'm assuming we are close in age since our kids are) YET today things are different and we must acccept that fact...Not continue acting like the ONLY responsibility mothers have is make sure their kids' fathers have a good relationship with them...<BR/> <BR/>I did the same thing as you by the way, even buying Christmas presents for my daughter and pretending they were from her father since he didn't always remember to do this...it didn't ultimate help as he retired a few years ago and left the city and she has seen him ONCE since then...<BR/><BR/>So I don't agree that women can always intervene successfully in these situations...<BR/><BR/>AND it's far more hurtful for a kid to find out at 16 years old that their mother has been planting a 'cover story' about their father all these years and that person, who they thought loved them doesn't really exist.<BR/><BR/>See, so there is a danger in that sort of propaganda as well. It could backfire and do worse damage to a child whose father really was NOT that interested and you keep pushinng the issue...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1141940748944590812006-03-09T16:45:00.000-05:002006-03-09T16:45:00.000-05:00See and I have a problem when you keep saying 'our...See and I have a problem when you keep saying 'our child' when it's frequently just a guy trying to get in your pants or a recreational sperm donor that you are conveying all this high and noble motivation to...<BR/><BR/>Basically I don't want that guy having any rights to say anything about my child's life. <BR/><BR/>Nothing...<BR/><BR/>If you and he were married fine...but 30% of custodial fathers are never-married men and I have a problem with a recreational sperm donor having any rights.<BR/><BR/>That's the issue.<BR/><BR/>AND I believe many men feel the same way. As when they are allowed to speak w/o being shamed and browbeaten into parroting the party line and having to feint love for a kid they could care less about, they say the same thing I do...<BR/><BR/>Actually right now a mens rights group has lodged a case with the court trying to fight just this designation... claiming that agreeing to have sex in a society, where casual sex is everywhere, doesn't mean they signed on to be a father. <BR/><BR/>They want the same rights women do for that early 3 to 4 month period where women can chose NOT to be a mother by getting an abortion and I agree with THEM...<BR/><BR/>Regarding women having a lot of power in terms of keeping families together, that is not true either. I don't know if it ever was. <BR/><BR/>We must accept the fact that's it a joint effort and if our partner, for any reason or none at all, wishes to stop trying it's over. You cannot control anyone actions but your own...so to act like women have all this power isn't true and just sets a lot of women up for disappointment, not to mention increases their risk of losing their children at some point down the road since generally the person who files for divorce FIRST get custody....and that rarely changes later.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1141908072811575592006-03-09T07:41:00.000-05:002006-03-09T07:41:00.000-05:00My point is that you and your child got lucky that...My point is that you and your child got lucky that he didn't decide to exercise the 'nuclear' option and go to court for sole custody for himself...many fathers do this today. <BR/><BR/>Actually I read in the Times that MOST custodial fathers get custody by returning to court after the original custody arrangement is made...<BR/><BR/>Frankly I have found many fathers are allowed to get a change in custody based upon very filmsy changes in circumstances...<BR/><BR/>Mothers have to show a substantial change in circumstances, fathers appear to be getting a free pass on the 'substantial' part...<BR/><BR/>It's considered trendy and progressive today by court officials to give a father custody.<BR/><BR/>I don't care if fathers get visitation, who could be against that? The problem is that when you give someone legal rights to your child, its not just limited to visitation. It's extending them the exact same rights to make decisions over your child that you have and to get custody as well if they wish to. <BR/><BR/>Even if a child's father has been a very disinterested father throughout the first half of their childhood there is NOTHING stopping him from turning around in the second half and deciding he wants custody...they can even blame you, with little or no evidence btw, as being the reason they did not pay attention to the child. Thus absolving themselves of any responsibility for this...<BR/><BR/>AND I know plenty of mothers this has happened to and they lost custody of their child just by this tactic. <BR/><BR/>You don't limit someone rights to just visitation...once you give someone rights, those rights are the same as yours and can be exercised by them at ANY time...not to mention they can be exercised by any woman they decide to marry...as step persons today are given much consideration in courts today as well. <BR/><BR/>I mean if you had to work so hard to force this man to take on his responsibities for his child, I have to wonder if it was the correct thing to do...in spite of the propaganda put out there today about fathers...it appears you gave a disinterested man the same legal rights to your child as you had...virtually gambling on your child's future that he wouldn't misuse the legal rights you forced on him (as you claim you had to work hard to get him to act like a parent)...<BR/><BR/>I don't consider a father's rights to be more significant then any child's right to a stable future and having dependable adults around that sincerely care about them...not just being a presence because I have had to shame them or browbeat them to be there...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1141602241817452982006-03-05T18:44:00.000-05:002006-03-05T18:44:00.000-05:00Well that is one of the stated purposes of this bl...Well that is one of the stated purposes of this blog if you read the introduction...<BR/><BR/>To discuss with like-mind people some stategies to do just that...impact laws and public policy that have allowed even recreational or accidental sperm donors legal rights to children and had resulted in millions of mothers losing their children.<BR/><BR/>That's what this blog is about.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for dropping in anyway for a brief hello...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1141483555760830022006-03-04T09:45:00.000-05:002006-03-04T09:45:00.000-05:00Well how would you feel if your child's father got...Well how would you feel if your child's father got the "better off financially" and "the kid" and then you were forced to pay him child support or go to jail?<BR/><BR/>See.<BR/><BR/>Because that's the reality for what COULD have happened to you. As it has already happened to millions of mothers and children today. <BR/><BR/>It's not some gender neutralized paradise where women keep their children, men keep their money and are just content to play the limited role you and your child obviously were LUCKY enough that the father was willing to accept.<BR/><BR/>You got lucky...as did your kid. <BR/><BR/>Since you could have lost your child as millions of mothers do today. You could have lost your child to some idiot, who could care less about him, but was willing to take custody to either avoid paying child support or just to mess with you...<BR/><BR/>See...<BR/><BR/>So the above scenario limits the damage to men who, at least intially, demonstrated some interest in having children (evidenced by them entering into a legal marriage) as opposed to a recreational sperm donor who was just interested in getting in your pants...<BR/><BR/>Okay...<BR/><BR/>I'm happy it worked out so well for you to give a man the exact same legal rights to your child as you have, but that doesn't mean it's okay for the state to extend that to every other situation...<BR/><BR/>BTW, I could care less zbout that DNA scenario you just mentioned. As human beings also share over 98% of their DNA with chimps as well...that doesn't mean I'm willing to hand over my kid to a band of monkeys, either just because the DNA matches...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-1141314432876975992006-03-02T10:47:00.000-05:002006-03-02T10:47:00.000-05:00Yes...Yes...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.com