tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post1101141345105948340..comments2023-07-28T07:44:40.802-04:00Comments on Women as Mothers: Single Mothers by ChoiceNYMOMhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-52173909883830420492010-08-02T14:00:01.243-04:002010-08-02T14:00:01.243-04:00Well just to let you know Anonymous, you'll ha...Well just to let you know Anonymous, you'll have to be careful if you are 'meeting the donor'...as the only way you and your future child will be totally insulated from your donor taking it into his head to launch a custody fight against you is for him to be totally anonymous.<br /><br />So, I know it's expensive but for your child's sake you should go to one of those sperm banks and have a truly anonymous donor...<br /><br />Courts have consistently given donors rights when there has been prior contact with the mother before conception, even brief contact.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-43005979638202093562010-08-01T20:15:38.884-04:002010-08-01T20:15:38.884-04:00I am meeting a donor next week and plan to try as ...I am meeting a donor next week and plan to try as long as it takes to conceive through NI. <br /><br />The post from the single parent child worries me considerably. I know I will always be honest with the child about their conception, but worry that they will also resent me for the fact that I CHOSE not to have a father for them. I honestly think I can do just as well on my own but there are bound to be times when the child wishes for a father figure. One of my friend's children (all of the children I know are from broken homes I might add) thinks that her daddy doesn't even like her "as a friend" because he hasn't seen her or contacted her for 11 months now. He pays no child support and was initially the one who convinced her mother to keep the child. I am desperate to avoid heartache such as this, but is choosing a donor for a father possibly not simply making this an inevitability through absence? I'm committed to becoming pregnant and this is the only concern - as NYMOM points out I have gone over every bit of this decision with a fine tooth comb and it has not been a decision that was easy to make. Many of my friends actually advocated having a one night stand but my morals wouldn't allow me to knowingly create a life with an unwitting partner and then be able to say "Woe is me! I am a single mother because he doesn't want it!".<br /><br />I guess I just have to hope that with the right upbringing and an open environment my child will see that I have their best interests at heart. I am unfortunately sure that many of their peers at school will suffer divorce or similar family upheaval and not be so lucky.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-27732608398887584282009-09-17T12:36:02.915-04:002009-09-17T12:36:02.915-04:00Maybe it's not fair but, guess what, life'...Maybe it's not fair but, guess what, life's not fair. <br /><br />There are millions of women and men who irresponsibly procreate with partners they pick up on the street or in bars and I don't hear people ranting about them...so I was just pointing out IF there is a choice between the two the person who plans to be a single parent is a more responsible parent then the recreational procreator... <br /><br />Sorry.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-18680731022565229782009-09-11T14:29:50.240-04:002009-09-11T14:29:50.240-04:00I am the daughter os a single mother by choice, my...I am the daughter os a single mother by choice, my mother was financially sound she was getting older and she decided to have a child on her own. I don't know who my father is and even thought my mother was extraordinary as a mother, my whole life I had to carry the burden of growing up fatherless. I think is totally unfair to the child, the thoughest time for me was my teenage years where I suffered a lot for not having a father. I don't think that single mother really think about the fact that their child is going to grow up and how it's gong to be affected, and most of the time the topic is very harsh to speak with mom so we avoid to make them aware of hor much really affected us. Even thoutgh I've learned ot ocpe with it I feel is a vital part of me that was deliberately cut off from me and I don't think is fair for the child at all.Maehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03486751485922230087noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-59128123536513020882007-11-18T16:27:00.000-05:002007-11-18T16:27:00.000-05:00Well you will have to proceed extremely carefully ...Well you will have to proceed extremely carefully in this situation as even the other kids and their mother(s) will side with him in this situation, believe it or not. <BR/><BR/>They will follow his lead, as you will be seen as bringing a rival to the table, thus potentially reducing their share of his resources.<BR/><BR/>Selfish but realistic...<BR/><BR/>Additionally the courts will not be friendly to you either, if it winds up there...hopefully it won't...<BR/><BR/>Take care.NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-36513363802992174082007-11-18T15:28:00.000-05:002007-11-18T15:28:00.000-05:00The father is not pleased with this new pregnancy,...The father is not pleased with this new pregnancy, and is not okay with having a fourth child now.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-57350668799226250932007-11-18T07:37:00.000-05:002007-11-18T07:37:00.000-05:00You know I love how people decide to link with you...You know I love how people decide to link with you w/o asking any permission and then the link is a snide negative comment about you...it's almost like a sneaky way to get around the comment moderation I've set up. <BR/><BR/>Not that I wouldn't have published her comment, mind you. As I've published far worse.<BR/><BR/>What galls me is that I was totally supportive of the woman in the article being a single mother...yet still get side swiped by, you guessed it, another woman.<BR/><BR/>When oh when will women stop viciously sniping at one another...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-113071755503691942007-11-18T07:23:00.000-05:002007-11-18T07:23:00.000-05:00Well I guess I have to ask how does the child's fa...Well I guess I have to ask how does the child's father feel about this unexpected pregnancy as he already has three children. Is he okay with having a fourth child now????NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-48756914391368966132007-11-17T23:31:00.000-05:002007-11-17T23:31:00.000-05:00Having grown up with the idea that single motherho...Having grown up with the idea that single motherhood stigmatizes a woman, I have NEVER viewed this as an option for myself, that is until I found myself pregnant.<BR/><BR/>I'd always known that if I were to get pregnant in the relationship that produced my child, I would not carry it to term. The relationship lasted more than 8 years. I was very comfortable with the arrangement. I had not wanted children, and he already had three. When I found out I was pregnant in June of this year, I thought I miscarried shortly after taking the home pregnancy test. When I went to the hospital, and heard, at 7 weeks, the immensely powerful and life-changing sound of that heartbeat, I knew that I was going to be a single-mother - there was no way I could end the life that was producing such a strong and powerful sound.<BR/><BR/>It never occurred to me that by making this choice to be a single mother I was making such a profound statement. I am in my mid-thirties, am educated, have strong financial means, and while I lived most of thinking only of my single self, am finding it easy to transition into the idea of being someone's mother. <BR/><BR/>In reading this, I am finding a sense of the power of being a woman and not waiting for the requisite man+marriage in order to start my family. I appreciate the thoughts that have been provoked and can feel a shift in my perspective about choosing to become a single mother.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-33082203728582674492006-11-24T11:12:00.000-05:002006-11-24T11:12:00.000-05:00"It's my right to be a father."
It's not governme..."It's my right to be a father."<br /><br />It's not government that denies men the right to be a 'father' but God, nature or evolution which has deemed WOMEN as the bearers of life. <br /><br />Okay.<br /><br />Fatherhood is not a naturally occurring event, like motherhood, but rather a social construct.<br /><br />Government allows you equality in the things it is possible for us to be equal in, bearing children for men is not one of them. <br /><br />Thus, your rights to do anything ENDS the moment they infringe on someone else's, ie., as in having to force women to bear your children for you. AND yes, it is force when you use economic power over someone else to manipulate them.<br /><br />BTW, no anonymous sperm donor was EVER hit up for child support. <br /><br />That's a lie made up by the men's movement to justify support of a policy which was clearly nothing but a spite-driven policy against single women, like the one featured in the article above, who were wishing to be mothers but never met the right partner.<br /><br />AND yes, many women will go overseas as they will figure out the motivation for this policy and not wish to burden themselves and their children with an endless custody battle afterthefact. Since you continue to try and paint this change in policy as about child support, when, in fact, it is not...<br /><br />It is about men still trying to exercise control over womens and childrens' lives, even though you voluntarily chose to not be married or have families. <br /><br />You made your own choices, yet you still continue to wish to control womens' choices in this area because they are different from your own.<br /><br />Learn to live with your own choices and move on with your lives...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-23979070105258279272006-11-24T08:50:00.000-05:002006-11-24T08:50:00.000-05:00Interesting spin you put on it.
If men and women ...Interesting spin you put on it.<br /><br />If men and women are supposed to be equal then why cant men say "It's my right to be a father!" and recieve government funding to assist him as women will be getting soon in the UK.<br /><br />You need a man and a woman to make a baby so why does only one side get funding for single parenthood? That's not 'equality' at all is it?<br /><br />As for the sperm donor clinic question, your right, it is a moot point but not for the reasons you state. Sperm banks have dried up because removing anonymity means men are now being hit for child support. As far as I know no male donor has ever sued a woman for custody of the child, at least not in the UK.<br /><br />As for your last comment about women going abroad to get pregnant what can I say. Yes, women will always have this choice and I'm sure a few will exercise it. But I can't see the majority of western women going for this option because having an overseas 'recreational sperm donor' rules out free-loading some child support doesn't it?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-25136235241200092562006-11-24T08:05:00.000-05:002006-11-24T08:05:00.000-05:00It's pretty simple really: because of expense and...It's pretty simple really: because of expense and the fact that men having children require a surrogate mother. <br /><br />It's one thing for the government to pay for and allow a sperm donor to be used. Basically they are paying a small sum for a guy to read a few Playboys and ejaculuate into a plastic cup.<br /><br />With a surrogate mother involved, you are going to a whole other level of expense on top of taking advantage of a woman who needs money. As there is no reason on earth for a woman to go through all the difficult and painful procedures involved with being pregnant and giving birth EXCEPT that she desperately needs money.<br /><br />But I think most people who ask these questions already know the answers. This is an attempt to continue the gender neutral farce that feminists and men have been trying to make of motherhood for years now...<br /><br />AND I don't think it would make any difference to the distractors of this woman in the article, whether or not the government paid for her procedures or she paid for it herself, as they would be against women doing it either way. <br /><br />This is another red herring...<br /><br />Another ploy on the part of men to sidetrack women who are independent of one of them. <br /><br />I mean what's the point of claiming the UK government will pay for the procedures when you effectively passed laws that it's illegal to be an anonymous sperm donor in the UK anymore? What woman (other then the one in this article who clearly wasn't thinking very clearly when she signed up for this) is going to take a chance that some sperm donor can show up at anytime in the future and have her and her son dragged through an expensive and ongoing custody battle?<br /><br />Most women would not take a chance like that.<br /><br />The whole point of women going to this kind of trouble to get pregnant outside of normal channels is so that they don't have to face one of these custody wars incited by some man in the future. Clearly it negates the whole point to do what this woman did with someone you know...as she's actually got the WORSE of both worlds...she's doesn't have a traditional father to help out on a daily basis, YET she has given someone the exact same legal rights to her child as herself...<br /><br />It really didn't make much sense.<br /><br />Anyway, when the UK banned anonymous donors it killed the whole point for most of the women who would have children using a donor. <br /><br />Thus the whole issue is moot anyway. <br /><br />Few women will avail themselves of the government services, as the dealbreaker would be that you couldn't use an anonymous sperm donor. Otherwise, you'd be signing yourself and your child up for years of litigation AFTER birth and potentially loss of custody within a few years down the road.<br /><br />The woman in this article wasn't thinking very clearly when she did this...and it wouldn't surprise me in the least if her 'sperm donor' didn't show up again in a few years time and wind up wresting custody of her son from her and just moving to Italy with him.<br /><br />I predict most women who wish to have children in this manner will just leave the UK and go to countries where they can use an anonymous donor and get pregnant there...otherwise they put themselves and their children at risk later...NYMOMhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05762350054432716749noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8740475.post-85241374125738391372006-11-23T11:13:00.000-05:002006-11-23T11:13:00.000-05:00I don't really have much of a problem with the wom...I don't really have much of a problem with the woman in this story. If a woman is fertile and she wants to get pregnant no one can really stop her. She wasn't but she paid for her own IVF treatment so thats fine.<br /><br />This is what I have a problem with:<br /><br /><i>"Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt wants the law changed to allow single women and lesbians to have fertility treatment without the need to prove there will be a father figure in the child's life."</i><br /><br />Ok, if men have all these supposed privilages then will the law be changed so that men in the UK can have children like <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A16533-2005Jan17.html">this</a> at the expence of the taxpayers?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com